A story of redemption and healing
the weeds in my garden
My life has often felt like a garden overrun with weeds—shame, guilt, and pain that seemed impossible to uproot. These weeds took root early, shaped by a childhood of rejection and trauma. I was adopted at 10 years old after being in the foster system since I was three. At 11, my stepdad entered my life, and by 12, the abuse began. It continued for years, leaving scars that ran deep into my soul.
At 17, I finally ran away, hoping to leave the pain behind. I thought I had escaped, but at 18, during a brief visit home from college, he found his way back into my life. Though he no longer lived in the house, he somehow gained access to the new home. That was when he abused me one last time.
Adding to the pain was the fact that he was never convicted. The church I turned to for help didn’t believe me. They believed him instead. The rejection of my truth, especially by people who claimed to love Jesus, left me shattered and questioning everything I thought I knew about trust and faith.
For years, I suppressed the trauma, pretending it hadn’t happened. I lived as though the abuse didn’t affect me, determined to survive and navigate the world of pain sober and alone. But in 2019, my secret came out. Two people who should have known long ago about what happened to me finally learned the truth—not from an adult who should have told them, but from me. Their worlds were shattered, and it hurt deeply to know the pain my truth caused them. I had spent my life carrying the weight of this secret, but seeing the devastation it brought to others added another layer of guilt and heartache.
As I reflect on my journey, there is one verse that stands out—so much so that I have it tattooed on my arm. It comes from Mark 5:41, where Jesus says, “Talitha koum”—“Little girl, I say to you, rise.” Those words have taken on deep meaning for me. I see them as Jesus’s constant reminder not to give up on myself, just as He didn’t give up on the little girl in that story.
Looking back, I can see how Jesus was with me all along, even when I didn’t realize it. He began to remove people who didn’t have faith in Him, just as He removed the doubters and unbelievers from the room before He performed the miracle. These were people who weren’t adding tools of healing to my life but instead were reinforcing the weeds that were choking me.
At Eastside Christian Church, the series “Weeds in My Garden” felt as though it was created just for me. My journey has been a constant reminder that God is the one in control of my garden. No matter how many weeds try to creep back in—old core beliefs, fears, and reminders of my past—I’ve learned to surrender them to Him every single day.
I now picture myself sitting on a bench in the middle of my garden, allowing God to prune and care for it. I don’t have to handle the weeds alone anymore. He knows how to remove what doesn’t belong and plant what will flourish. Every time I surrender to Him, I feel His peace.
It was during this time that God intervened in ways I couldn’t have imagined. He sent me my now-husband, a man who showed me what love, patience, and understanding truly looked like. For the first time, I felt seen—not as someone broken or beyond repair, but as someone worthy of love and respect.
Through his encouragement and the consistent messages at Eastside, I began to surrender my heart to God in a way I never had before. Each sermon became a lifeline, a reminder that I wasn’t alone in my struggles. I began to see my life for what it truly was—a garden overrun with weeds. On the surface, I had fake flowers that appeared beautiful. I had learned how to mask my pain, to appear as though I had it all together, even spraying on the artificial fragrance of happiness for others. But underneath, the weeds of shame, fear, and despair were choking the life out of me.
When I finally surrendered to God, everything began to change. I fell to my knees and told Him, “Take it from me. This isn’t my burden to carry anymore.” I claimed His promises, like Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Slowly but surely, He began to clear the weeds in my garden—not all at once, but one by one.
God showed me that healing wasn’t about covering up the pain or pretending it didn’t exist. It was about allowing Him to tend to the broken places, to pull out the weeds by the root, and to plant seeds of love, patience, and forgiveness.
Today, my garden is far from perfect, but it is growing. The Lord is my Northern Star, guiding me through every darkness, and He is the compass of my heart, always pointing me back to His truth. I pray every day that my story will one day help others who feel like their gardens are overrun with weeds. Until then, I will continue to fall deeper in love with God, trusting Him to guide me and care for my heart.
If you are struggling with the weeds in your life—whether they are trauma, mental health battles, or the weight of your past—know this: You don’t have to carry it alone. Surrender it to God. He is the master gardener, and He can create beauty from even the most broken places.