I am a cycle breaker

What are you doing tomorrow?

Wondering how someone gets inspired to say I am a cycle breaker.  Reggie was in a relationship and felt really broken that this relationship just wasn’t working anymore. During this break up he became really, really depressed. One morning he was having breakfast with a cousin who kind of had his own treacherous past himself. While they were eating, Reggie asked his cousin what he was doing the following day, which was Sunday. His cousin said, “What are you doing tomorrow? I’m going to church, do you want to go with me?”  That next day, Reggie decided he needed a fresh start, so he took a risk and went to Eastside. 

From the first visit, Reggie fell in love with it and his growth and change kind of just took off from there. Once Reggie started walking with God, he noticed he didn’t really want to hang with the people he’d known his whole life. He discovered he couldn’t really relate to them anymore because they were living a lifestyle that was so destructive.  However, it was also a lonely time because he realized he needed to start making new friends and a new community.  

So after coming to Eastside for a while Reggie took the next brave step.  He decided to join a small group.  He admits, it was definitely nerve-wracking and he didn’t know if he could be real with these people? Can he really share what he’d been through? But it didn’t take long for him to realize they weren’t there to judge him. All they were really there for was offering their friendship.

If you have a chance to meet Reggie right away you’ll notice when he walks through the door, the whole energy of the room changes. He has a presence about himself that is was exciting. You’ll see Reggie’s passion and excitement.

Now Reggie feels like he has a family of believers. Just sharing this story, brings tears to his eyes because this small group means so much to him.  They’ve offered him their time, compassion, their prayers and even opening up their home.  Reggie cannot express how grateful he is for the change in his life.

What’s it like to be a cycle breaker in your family? If you grew up in a toxic environment and didn’t have any healthy adults growing up, you may have felt like you were just trying to survive.  This “survival mode” living is like being on emergency lockdown 24/7. You can appear happy or fine to outsiders and can also focus on being “good enough” but this cycle of toxicity will eventually come to a breaking point. To become a cycle breaker in your family you need to start to have the mantra “this ends with me”. Believe it or not, your pain served a purpose. When it comes to life and love, we can find ourselves stuck in toxic patterns that hold us back and keeps us in dark places. The cycle breaker is a disrupter.To be a cycle breaker means to stand apart from the family and forge a new path away from the trauma and the heartbreak that gets repeated generationally. 

It’s allowing yourself the space to acknowledge your painful past, face the facts of your past or current reality and release each habit that is toxic. What are some signs that you are ready to be a cycle breaker? You feel like an outcast in your family.  You are looking to understand your past and want to see change. You feel committed to making some changes or at least to questions what has been going on.  You’ve started questioning the status quo, boundaries, and family secrets.

Some great ways to process this are with a trusted friend, in a support group, or with a counselor.  If you missed our Cycle Breaker Series you can watch it here. You can also find support groups and counselors at eastside.com/resources.

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