What if the most important relationship didn’t even make your list?
You’ll Be Shocked at the Most Important Relationship You Forgot
This isn’t just another talk about friendships, parenting, or marriage. It’s about the kind of people we’re becoming, the ones we’re in relationship with, and how the health of those relationships often reflects something deeper going on inside of us.
Most of us could rattle off our closest relationships — spouses, kids, best friends, coworkers. But if I asked you to list the top 5–10 people you’re “in a relationship with,” I’d bet you’d forget the most important one:
Your relationship with yourself.
Let’s be honest. That one rarely makes the list. Not because it doesn’t matter, but because it’s invisible. It doesn’t text you back or ask how you’re doing. But it still shows up. Every day. In every interaction. In your parenting. In your marriage. At your workplace. When you’re alone. And when you’re with “your people.”
How you relate to others depends on how you relate to yourself.
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Discover the one relationship you might be neglecting
The Gospel of Luke, chapter 10, tells a short but powerful story about two sisters: Martha and Mary. Jesus comes to their house — imagine that! The Son of God shows up with 12 hungry disciples, and suddenly your living room is full. Most of us would do what Martha did. We’d clean up. We’d cook. We’d serve.
But Mary does something radically different. She sits down. She listens.
Martha gets frustrated. She vents to Jesus, hoping He’ll correct Mary. But instead, Jesus gently responds:
“Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.”
— Luke 10:41–42 (CSB)
Jesus doesn’t rebuke Martha for serving. He rebukes her for being distracted. The Greek word used here implies being pulled away, overwhelmed, or split in different directions.
The relationship that changes everything
And if we’re being real — that’s a lot of us. Distracted. Burned out. Split between taking care of everyone else… and ignoring what’s going on inside ourselves. Mary, meanwhile, was present. Still. In tune. Attentive. She knew what she needed — and she didn’t apologize for it.
This story isn’t about choosing between being a “doer” or a “be-er.” It’s not about laziness versus productivity. It’s about disconnection. Jesus lovingly points out to Martha that she’s disconnected from herself, and as a result, she’s disconnected from Him and others.
It’s a pattern that plays out in all of our lives:
- We ignore our exhaustion.
- We suppress our emotions.
- We fill our calendars so we don’t have to feel.
- We resent people for not noticing what we haven’t acknowledged ourselves.
Jesus is inviting Martha — and us — to pause. To listen. To notice what’s happening inside. To recognize the loudest voice in our lives… and trade it for His.
Three Questions to Ask Yourself
So, how do we strengthen this often-neglected relationship? Here are three questions to ask yourself:
1. What Is Your Body Feeling?
Your body often knows before your mind does. Tight shoulders. Knots in your stomach. Headaches. A racing heart. These aren’t just random physical symptoms — they’re signs that something deeper may be going on.
When you feel that tension, ask:
- Am I actually angry… or just hungry?
- Am I frustrated… or just exhausted?
- Have I eaten today? Drank water? Taken a deep breath?
We show compassion to our friends when they’re overwhelmed. We need to learn to do the same for ourselves. One of the most spiritual things you can do sometimes… is take a nap.
2. What Is Your Mind Thinking?
Our minds are constantly filling in gaps. When expectations don’t match our experience, we create stories:
- “They don’t care about me.”
- “I’m failing.”
- “Nobody notices what I do.”
But assumptions are dangerous. They’re often based on partial truths or old wounds. Martha assumed Mary was being selfish. She assumed Jesus didn’t care. Neither were true.
When you find yourself spiraling, stop and ask:
- What story am I telling myself?
- Is it true?
- What information might I be missing?
The Apostle Paul wrote about taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). That’s not just spiritual discipline — it’s emotional intelligence. It’s relational maturity.
3. Whose Words Are You Believing?
We all have internal voices. Some of them sound like old coaches or critical parents. Others come from culture or comparison. Some are just mean. Are you believing lies:
- You’ll never be enough
- You’re failing at this
- You should have figured this out by now
Those are never the words of Jesus. In Luke 10, Jesus doesn’t scold Martha. He gently calls her by name twice. That double name in Jewish culture is a sign of a deep emotional connection. He’s not shaming her. He’s calling her back to what matters most. Mary, He says, has “chosen the better portion.” While Martha was preparing a meal, Mary was feasting on truth. And Jesus honors it. That’s the same invitation He gives us. To stop believing the old scripts. To feast on His Word. To let His truth define us instead of shame or performance or productivity.
How we relate to others starts with ourselves
What Happens When You Strengthen the Relationship With Yourself?
Author: Josh Whelchel
Eastside Christian Church
Anaheim, CA
Everything else gets better
You communicate more clearly. You lead with curiosity, not assumptions. You give people more grace. You stop over-apologizing or overcompensating. You set healthier boundaries. You listen better. You breathe deeper. You remember that you are not the sum of your mistakes or what you produce — you are deeply loved and fully known.
When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, He said:
“Love the Lord your God… and love your neighbor as yourself.”
— Luke 10:27
That “as yourself” part? It’s not a bonus. It’s foundational.
Because you are one of “your people.” And how you treat yourself affects how you treat everyone else.
Maybe today is your moment to stop neglecting that most important relationship — and start tending to it. Jesus doesn’t need a perfect house or performance. He just wants your presence. So pause. Breathe. Listen to what your body, your mind, and your spirit are telling you because loving others well starts with loving yourself.
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